Over the last few days I’ve started to feel a bit dirty whenever I login to Facebook. It started on Sunday when Facebook asked me “What’s going on, Paul?”. On Monday, it asked me “What’s happening, Paul?”. By Tuesday, our burgeoning relationship had moved to a slightly more flirtatious (in a Joey Tribbiani kinda way) “How YOU doin’, Paul?”. And then yesterday I was greeted with a more intense “How are you feeling, Paul?”, a sure sign that Facebook wants to really get to know me and take things to the next level. She wants me to reveal my very innermost thoughts, secrets and fears .
It’s like a bloody Craig David song. Only I’m not sure I’m looking forward to ‘Thursday and Friday and Saturday’, if you know what I mean…
As with all purely cyber-relationships, I’ve struggled a little with the fact that you can never be sure whether the person you’re chatting to is genuinely who they say they are, and even whether they’re of the right gender. But I’ve concluded from the way our relationship is going that Facebook is definitely a woman. After all, no man ever asks someone how they’re feeling, right ladies?
I’m not really sure what to make of being chatted up every time I login to look at cat photos and pointless infographics. I mean, Facebook seems lovely and interested and flirty, but I’m married and I’m not sure what my wife would make of my new lady friend. What about you? Do you like Facebook’s new status prompts, or do you find them condescending and patronising?
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Posted by Paul Sutton
This made me smile. I for one am not bowled over by the big faceless book of faces asking me how I am in such intimate terms, because to me it’s just plain weird! However for now, I don’t find it annoying, jus hilariously awkward and ill-judged as do, as far as I can tell, many of my felllow Facebookbook-ers.
I do wonder if it’s a cultural thing, though. Are our friends in the US more used to this approach? After all, we Brits as a culture only just got over the un-Britishness of shop assistants telling us to ‘have a nice day’…
I HATE “have a nice day”. It’s so bloody false! (Although, for the record, it’s fine in California for some reason)
Anyway, I digress. I find it weird too (obviously). I can’t get past the fact that Facebook is a machine and that an algorithm fires a randomised question at me every time I refresh the page. So while it’s an attempt to be more human, it just plain doesn’t work. Not for someone as cynical as me, anyway
That said, I reckon Facebook’s quite hot…
Nothing like standing up for a nation… Haha.
We think it’s pretty weird too Emily, when we think of it at all. Honestly, I hardly even notice the message. That message could ask if I’ve seen a therapist lately and I would hardly notice it. It’s like banner blindness – I’m not reacting to what’s in the box, but using the box for my own nefarious ends…
I don’t think it’s cultural – though as a Canadian I’m your kissing cousin once removed. These heartfelt inquiries about my mental health haven’t bothered me one bit, beyond the fact that it’s a tad too “Hal” from 2001 A Space Odyssey for my liking. Creepy. Most of my American FB pals have been decidedly put off by them as well. However, I will put this to you Paul, just to rock the boat a bit. Why a woman? Perhaps FB is a sexy, openminded man, looking to explore other sides of himself? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, right?
“Kissing cousin”? Don’t you start as well, Lindsay…my wife will go spare!
Facebook’s clearly not a man. If it were, it wouldn’t be so unpredictable and it wouldn’t go a bit loopy once a month. It’s regular as clockwork. Oh, and the fact that it rarely goes down is a sure sign…
AHHHHhahahahaha!! Best response EVER!!! I think I heart you Paul Sutton. In that friendly, social media way.
You should hear my British accent
*slap*
Yep, clearly Facebook is female
That one produced a belly-laugh!
I just find it odd that the world’s biggest social network is trying to find a personal voice and be, well, engaging, who’d have thunk it
I do wonder though if posting rates are dropping, otherwise what is their motivation other than to creep people out? It’s not like we’re all new to Facebook and aren’t sure what to say…..
I have no idea whatsoever behind its motivation, Jan. I don’t think it’s posting rates or that’d be one hell of a desperate move. The ironic thing is that, whether or not it’s trying to be more human and personal, it’s communications are frickin’ awful!
You know that saying ‘if the record ain’t broke, don’t fix it’…..
Maybe they want to bring people back to using their personal profiles for personal updates leading to personal conversations instead of just cat photos, infographics and competition entries…
That’s just silly. Everyone knows that cat photos and crap infographics are what social networks were conceived for…
And do you think that Facebook will adapt to you ? for example, if you only ever reply to “how you doing?” and never to “What’s going on?”, do you think *she* will stop asking you what’s going on ?
I’m thinking it’s going to get a whole lot weirder than that, mate. I fully expect to login in a couple of weeks to be asked “Don’t you like me anymore, Paul?”. Or even worse, to be met with stony silence…
I’ve decided that if it asks me one more time, “How are you feeling Meg?” I’m going to tell it. That will make him/her/it sorry!
You haven’t spoken to your mother in a couple of weeks, Olly.
When are you going to grow up and start taking responsibility for your life, Olly?
When I noticed FB asking me questions, I was a little creeped out, too! It reminds me of when it was first available outside of universities and we all updated our states with, Gini is… “Going to the park!”
Have you ever checked back to see the first thing you ever wrote, Gini? Mine was: “Paul is….awake at 5am AGAIN. What’s going on? Why can’t I ever get a full night’s sleep? Haven’t I got anything better to do than be on Facebook at 5am?!” Nothing much changes…
HAHAHAH! I just looked. Mine is “Needs a rally.” Clearly I was watching a Bears game.
Apparently I had a dream about being in the band Whitesnake 2 days after that. Which sounds frickin’ AWESOME!